TIME: Almanac 1993/TIME Almanac 1993.iso/time/102990/1029360.000

Text File | 1992-08-28 | 6.0 KB | 126 lines

                                                                                BEHAVIOR, Page 104

Sex Lives and Videotape


More and more couples are making do-it-yourself erotic films

By ANASTASIA TOUFEXIS


    Americans delight in making private moments public. Witness
the success of America's Funniest Home Videos, which has been
called "the hottest show on TV." But the succession of gags and
goofs surrounding birthdays and family outings is tepid fare
compared with the truly incendiary movies viewers are making
for home consumption only. The subject? Their sex lives.
Propping their camcorders and dropping their inhibitions, more
and more couples are videotaping their closest encounters. Rob
Lowe, it seems, is not alone.

    Do-it-yourself dirty pictures are an old, if not exactly
honored pastime. But technological advances have repeatedly
changed the nature and allure of the game. Polaroids, for
example, enabled people to take seductive snapshots without
having the pictures developed by strangers. Soon after the
arrival of the VCR, people who wouldn't have been caught dead
in a Times Square porn house became comfortable with seeing sex
tapes at home. Erotic movies account for an estimated 10% to
20% of video rentals. And when affordable, lightweight
camcorders became commonplace during the past few years,
X-rated home movies were the inevitable next step. No one keeps
statistics on the trend, but psychologists say an increasing
number of couples are making the tapes.

    Nonetheless, most people approach the idea with a bit of
nervousness. Joe, a lawyer, and Tara, a financial analyst (the
names in this story have been changed), had been married a few
months and were watching an adult film at their New York City
apartment, when Tara kiddingly suggested, "Why don't we make
our own?" Two months later, after consultation with a
therapist, the pair re-created their wedding night on camera.
Joe wore his tuxedo, Tara her bridal gown -- at least
initially.

    Like sex, the videotaping experience ranges from
disappointing to exciting. Mary and Tom, Chicago investment
bankers who checked into a local hotel with just a video
camera, were mortified by the way poor lighting and camera
angles distorted their overweight bodies. Fred, a professor,
and Nina, a schoolteacher, recorded themselves in a candlelit
bubble bath, and wound up elated. The Manhattan couple, married
20 years, have filmed three more tub trysts, complete with
strawberries and whipped cream.

    Is this a healthy trend? Psychologists generally give it
their blessing. They see homemade erotica as a safe way to
spice up a couple's sex life; there's the thrill of the
forbidden but none of the danger of, say, an affair. "Frankly,
I'd wonder about anyone with a camera who hadn't thought of
doing it," offers Kate Wachs, a Chicago psychologist. "It's
usually a fun thing done by people who have absolute trust in
each other, are relaxed about their sexuality and adventuresome.
It's the equivalent of making love on the beach or the kitchen
table."

    Men and women often find do-it-yourself videos more
appealing than standard triple-X fare. For one thing, couples
tend to emphasize story line as well as visuals. More
important, notes psychologist Lonnie Barbach of San Francisco,
"it's not just plumbing shots of  anonymous people." One
Minneapolis couple combined a sleazy script with agile
camerawork. "I was a door-to-door salesman, and she was the
housewife," says Michael, in reality a business manager. During
the taping, the pair stopped the action to move the camera
around the bed, adjust the zoom lens and do retakes. Despite
such antics, the experience ultimately proved moving
emotionally. Viewing the tape, says Michael, "we saw how much
real affection there was between us; it was there in how we
touched each other. You don't have the same awareness of that
while you're making love."

    Therapists point out some hazards, however. "Filming can hit
on touchy unresolved issues within a relationship," observes
Bonnie Eaker-Weil, who practices in New York City and
Rutherford, N.J. "People may have incompatible attitudes
concerning sex." Sonny, a stockbroker with conservative views,
thought Sarah, his live-in girlfriend, was joking about taping
and laughingly said O.K. One night he came home from the office
and found Sarah in a negligee and the video camera running. He
blew up, calling her a whore and a slut.

    For some couples taping can become part of an ongoing power
struggle. "Sometimes an element of coercion is involved," notes
Eaker-Weil. "It's nothing overt, more subtle. Usually the man
instigates the filming, and the woman goes along. But she isn't
comfortable." Laurie was badgered into making several sex tapes
by her husband Tim, a retired policeman. He intimated he would
have an affair if she did not agree. Then Tim insisted on
filming a foursome with another couple whom he and Laurie had
met in a bar. Angry and upset, Laurie now wants to destroy all
the tapes, but Tim has hidden them.

    What to do with the videotapes is a question that all the
couples face. Many erase them soon after filming, fearful
children or household help will stumble across them. When tapes
become public, the humiliation can be intense. The sheriff of
Morris County, Kans., filmed his wife and himself with a rented
video camera and mistakenly returned the camera to the store
-- with the tape inside. Copies quickly circulated around the
town of Council Grove. Eventually, the sheriff had to resign,
and the couple left town.

    But other couples treasure their tapes as a reminder of some
of the most loving -- in all senses of the word -- moments of
their lives. Nina and Fred keep their small video library under
lock and key to protect it from prying eyes. But they are aware
that someday their children may discover the revealing films.
If that happens, says Nina, "we would be embarrassed, but we
wouldn't be ashamed."